Intimacy Anxiety & UTIs: Insights from an Expert
Women who struggle with recurrent UTIs can develop feelings of fear and anxiety when it comes to sex and intimacy. For this blog, we sat down with a women's health physician and Founder & CEO of Rosy, Lyndsey Harper, MD - to discuss sexual wellness and intimacy anxiety.
Dr. Harper spotted an unmet need in women’s healthcare.
43% of women have a sexual health concern, yet these issues are not typically explored in OBGYN training beyond STI screening and treatment. Sexual health is surrounded by shame and embarrassment, making each woman feel like she’s suffering alone - when in fact, that’s the opposite of the real story. Dr. Harper realized her patients needed a more multidisciplinary approach to sexual wellness support - which is why she created Rosy.
Sexual wellness is an individual journey.
Dr. Harper defines sexual wellness as achieving liberation of sexual health and pleasure within your own context. There is no one picture of what sexual health looks like, it’s all about individual circumstances: your culture, religion, partnership, lifestyle, age and so on. Rosy supports women on their unique journeys and celebrates that individuality.
Rosy is a sexual health partner for women.
Rosy is a platform that supports lifetime sexual health needs from sex to pleasure, education, pain, pregnancy, postpartum, infertility, desire, cancer, menopause and so much more. Rosy’s mission is to erase sexual shame and embarrassment for women. Everything they do centers on this ideal - that means having open, honest and evidence-based conversations about sex and sexuality.
Rosy offers multidisciplinary support, including:
Personalized Wellness Plans
Educational materials and resources
A whole library of erotica pitched to different tastes
A thriving community to share stories
Workshops and Coaching with sexual health experts
Intimacy anxiety is very common in the Rosy community.
Intimacy anxiety can be defined as the fear and anxiety associated with sex and/or intimacy. It can develop for a number of different reasons, with each person’s experience being unique.
Dr. Harper highlights three of the most common causes of intimacy anxiety among Rosy’s users:
Recurrent UTIs - creating fear of infection and pain.
Hormonal changes - associated with pregnancy, lactation or menopause.
Infertility - where sex becomes a task with a lot of pressure associated.
It’s all about the Sexual Response Cycle.
Dr. Harper teaches the sexual response cycle to other physicians as a helpful way to visualize how intimacy anxiety manifests. Suppose someone has a positive experience with sex - that feeds back into their response cycle, making them want more sex and intimacy. But if someone has a bad experience with sex, it creates a negative response - causing a cycle of fear and anxiety. This can eventually cause a breakdown in sexuality, both personally and in relationships.
Intimacy anxiety is part of a snowball effect.
Recurrent UTIs are a good example of a negative sexual experience - this is the initial problem and represents the kernel of the snowball. The next layer of the problem is the anxiety that builds around intimacy, followed by the next layer - a completely negative attitude towards sex. Then, perhaps the biggest problem is the loss of sexual identity, which can be detrimental to someone’s self-worth and relationships.
How does Rosy address intimacy anxiety?
The aim with Rosy is to address the snowball effect before it grows too big. Targeting the kernel of the problem (such as recurrent UTIs) is relatively straightforward with the proper education and treatment early on.
Later issues like loss of sexual identity are much more difficult to untangle but still achievable. That’s why Rosy focuses on multidisciplinary support - to address these multiple layers of anxiety in different ways. Examples of multidisciplinary support include a combination of educational resources, cognitive behavioral therapy tools, coaching and workshops.
Anxiety can be both mental and physical.
It’s important to note that not only do women carry anxiety in their minds, but they carry it in their bodies too. With issues like recurrent UTIs, the pelvic floor can become very tense in anticipation of pain, leading to fear and discomfort. In some cases, working with a pelvic floor physical therapist can offer an alternative way to relieve this anxiety.
Fostering open conversations about intimacy is key.
It’s hard for many people to talk about sex because it’s not something we immediately have the language or tools to discuss. However, Dr. Harper insists it’s really important to try and have non-emotionally charged conversations about sex with your partner.
Without open conversation, there can be misunderstandings around the issue that can be misinterpreted as a lack of desire or attraction, causing friction in your relationship.
Dr. Lyndsey Harper
Her top 4 tips on how to have open conversations with your partner:
Educate yourself. This is the first and most important step. By starting on a platform like Rosy, you can build the language and tools you need to discuss these issues with confidence.
Write it down. This can help prevent our emotions from getting the best of us - having a general outline for the direction of the conversation is helpful in keeping things productive.
Ask to talk. By making your partner aware of the issue you want to discuss in advance, you can gently introduce the topic and avoid blindsiding them.
Give them time and space to process. It can be difficult to have these conversations at first, so allow your partner time to process and respond.
Remember, it doesn't have to all be on you. If you’re still having trouble with these conversations, there are plenty of resources to help, such as coaches and sex therapists that can help facilitate open communication about sex.
If you’re struggling with recurrent UTIs, visit the MyUTI education center for more information on causes, testing and treatment. For resources and support in taking charge of your sexual health, check out Rosy’s blog or download the app today.
